school was cancelled on account of
snow...
sleet...
rain...
mush...
did i miss any form of water?
that is the kind of day we're having
i won't be caught dead in it
if i can help it
Wednesday, February 14, 2007
Monday, January 29, 2007
rom. 7
sin exists. I’ve heard it defined in many different ways: missing the mark by a long, long shot.
Like trying to throw a rock to the moon.
Impossible. I’m certain it exists because I’m so familiar with its relentless yanking. The constant friction and collision it makes with my spirit.
I know it’s real because it owned me. I was its slave. It was my master.
Everyone knows his master.
I’m positive it exists because it killed me. It deceived me and killed me.
Everyone knows what kills him.
It frustrates me that people try to take sin out of the equation.
Good luck with that.
Like trying to throw a rock to the moon.
Impossible. I’m certain it exists because I’m so familiar with its relentless yanking. The constant friction and collision it makes with my spirit.
I know it’s real because it owned me. I was its slave. It was my master.
Everyone knows his master.
I’m positive it exists because it killed me. It deceived me and killed me.
Everyone knows what kills him.
It frustrates me that people try to take sin out of the equation.
Good luck with that.
Saturday, January 20, 2007
Barbara from the 7th floor
I met Barbara in the elevator today. It’s rare that I ride the elevator with anyone in the building, so I like to take that opportunity to meet people.
I almost jumped when the elevator door slid open and I saw her standing there, pushing the “door close” button as fast as she could. She was layered in so much clothing; I could only see her mouth and chin. “You look very warm” was the first thing I said as I squeezed in next to her.
Warm was an understatement; I swear, this woman had more animal skin on her than her own. She was arrayed in fancy leather gloves with fur lining, a very large, pale blue mink wrap swaddled around her entire upper body, but, the best part was her hat. It looked more like a lamp shade made from a skinned fox. It shielded her entire head like a football helmet, leaving only her mouth vulnerable to the outside world.
“I’m Julia” I managed, after slightly getting over the shock of her massive, furry presence.
Her mouth looked at me with a slight twinge of acknowledgement.
“What’s your name?” I tried again, attempting to fill the thick silence as the lit-up numbers slowly decreased.
“Barbara” the mouth spoke magniloquently.
“Nice to meet you.”
Ding. First floor.
“After you,” I gestured out the door with my hand.
Barbara’s fox hat tipped back towards me, as she swiftly shuffled through the door. I followed her as she marched past the doorman and out of the building, all that fur flittering in the wind.
I stopped briefly to examine my own attire- a thin black pea coat and miss-matching brown gloves.
Smiling to myself, I continued on my way.
I almost jumped when the elevator door slid open and I saw her standing there, pushing the “door close” button as fast as she could. She was layered in so much clothing; I could only see her mouth and chin. “You look very warm” was the first thing I said as I squeezed in next to her.
Warm was an understatement; I swear, this woman had more animal skin on her than her own. She was arrayed in fancy leather gloves with fur lining, a very large, pale blue mink wrap swaddled around her entire upper body, but, the best part was her hat. It looked more like a lamp shade made from a skinned fox. It shielded her entire head like a football helmet, leaving only her mouth vulnerable to the outside world.
“I’m Julia” I managed, after slightly getting over the shock of her massive, furry presence.
Her mouth looked at me with a slight twinge of acknowledgement.
“What’s your name?” I tried again, attempting to fill the thick silence as the lit-up numbers slowly decreased.
“Barbara” the mouth spoke magniloquently.
“Nice to meet you.”
Ding. First floor.
“After you,” I gestured out the door with my hand.
Barbara’s fox hat tipped back towards me, as she swiftly shuffled through the door. I followed her as she marched past the doorman and out of the building, all that fur flittering in the wind.
I stopped briefly to examine my own attire- a thin black pea coat and miss-matching brown gloves.
Smiling to myself, I continued on my way.
Tuesday, January 16, 2007
happy MLKJ day!
yesterday was a good day for work-the best in a long time.
since i work on the weekdays and have the weekends off, i don't see the girls i nanny for very often because of school and afternoon activities. it was an unexpectedly delightful day with them.
the eleven-year-old, let's call her Sasha, was uncharacteristically lighthearted and helpful with me. this is a shock considering the first (and only) time i tried to hug her, she responded with "who died?" it was such a relief to laugh and joke around with her, without dreading to tell her to turn off the tv or put her dishes away.
i also got to spend some time with the 16-year-old, let's call her Penny, when we went out to run some errands. we actually had conversations that didn't consist of me telling her i refilled her prescription or her asking me to fix her computer. i had never felt so relaxed around her. now, here's the kicker. in the cab on the way home, she very deliberately and sincerely apologized for not treating me nicely since i've been here. she said she did not make my transition here from texas any easier and that she was truly sorry. i honestly was blown away by her maturity and humility in the situation. she didn't want to be let off the hook one inch. i was impressed, to say the least.
to top off a great day, my boss, we'll call her Jackie, exclaimed with a real smile how cute i looked in my "new york clothes." considering she only wears Prada, and i almost never receive compliments, i took this one to store for a time of need.
i'm marking this day as a turning point in this journey i'm on. the Lord has shown favor upon my prayers and given me joy in a job that has been bland and lonely. i only pray that my joy will daily be evident to this family, so that they may one day turn and praise my father in heaven!
since i work on the weekdays and have the weekends off, i don't see the girls i nanny for very often because of school and afternoon activities. it was an unexpectedly delightful day with them.
the eleven-year-old, let's call her Sasha, was uncharacteristically lighthearted and helpful with me. this is a shock considering the first (and only) time i tried to hug her, she responded with "who died?" it was such a relief to laugh and joke around with her, without dreading to tell her to turn off the tv or put her dishes away.
i also got to spend some time with the 16-year-old, let's call her Penny, when we went out to run some errands. we actually had conversations that didn't consist of me telling her i refilled her prescription or her asking me to fix her computer. i had never felt so relaxed around her. now, here's the kicker. in the cab on the way home, she very deliberately and sincerely apologized for not treating me nicely since i've been here. she said she did not make my transition here from texas any easier and that she was truly sorry. i honestly was blown away by her maturity and humility in the situation. she didn't want to be let off the hook one inch. i was impressed, to say the least.
to top off a great day, my boss, we'll call her Jackie, exclaimed with a real smile how cute i looked in my "new york clothes." considering she only wears Prada, and i almost never receive compliments, i took this one to store for a time of need.
i'm marking this day as a turning point in this journey i'm on. the Lord has shown favor upon my prayers and given me joy in a job that has been bland and lonely. i only pray that my joy will daily be evident to this family, so that they may one day turn and praise my father in heaven!
Saturday, January 6, 2007
2007-?
I have just caught my breath, but I think i am ready to begin again. it's another new year and i am eager to approach it with vigilance. it is a year very different from any other. i am in an opposing world, facing challenges i have been shielding myself from (in some ways intentionally, in some ways not). i am asking questions that i have never asked before; questions i've either been too afraid to ask or just never thought to ask. this has been a good two weeks to spend evaluating my life, comparing it's current status to what it was before. with these thoughts in mind i believe it is time to make some new years resolutions. now, before you get the wrong idea, please know i have been guilty of making fun of new years resolutions because for the common american they are likely very trite and are only observed for a brief time in which one quickly gives up, contently resolved to renew them with the upcoming new year. i cannot help but notice the obsessive amount of weight loss and smoking aid commercials that come on tv-makes sense, considering these are the top resolutions americans make each year (along with the #3, being a "better person"). however, if you overlook the connotations that accompany the word "resolutions," you might see a greater purpose therein; and I believe the good man Jonathan Edwards knew that purpose more powerfully and put it to use more effectively than I ever will.
oh, if i could only have a taste of the loving devotion Edwards had for his LORD, and the fervency in which he sought holiness, i would know more fully the abundant life. Edwards meticulously and constantly examined his life, comparing it to the Word in every aspect. This was not for the purpose of a worldly compulsion to reach perfection, or out of desire for recognition, but solely for the sake of Christ his Lord. In 1922, Edwards began journaling what he coined "The Resolutions." by 1923, the list had grown from one resolution to seventy.
if any of you are like me, you are frightened by the idea of resolutions, probably because you do not trust yourself to keep them. Edwards' resolutions are no less frightening to me for the very same reason. however, they are very different from the cliche american new years resolutions because they are not renewed every year, but every day, hour, minute, second. Edwards reread his resolutions each week to remind him of this. also, he was not intimidated by his resolutions because he did not have faith in himself to fulfill them, for with that mentality he knew he would indefinitely fail, rather, He had faith in the Lord to carry them out in his life. this is what we find beneath his title of "The Resolutions":
"Being sensible that I am unable to do anything without God's help, I do humbly entreat him by his grace to enable me to keep these Resolutions, so far as they are agreeable to his will, for Christ's sake."
it was only by God's grace that Edwards was able to adhere to these Resolutions; and he undoubtedly performed them not out of duty, but pure joy! if I am aware of these things as well, why am i so hesitant to write my own Resolutions? is Edwards just an exception, a sparkling diamond among Christ-followers, in which few live up to? or is Edwards a blatant reminder not only of how we are to live the Christian life, but of what it means to ENJOY Christ in His fullness? the answer to this question, i honestly do not have, but it's definitely something i've been exploring and will continue to explore.
here's what i do know. as a believer i do not need to be making new years resolutions, but new life reformations. if i am being transformed daily into Christ, i should be resolving daily to shed the dead skin of my former nature and be completely clothed in the righteousness that was imputed at conversion. i need to trust that the Lord is already doing this in me, despite my inability to see it sometimes. i need to remind myself each day that it is God alone who began a good work in me and He will bring it to "completion at the day of Jesus Christ" (Phil.1:6); and that Christ is sanctifying me completely through His own blood (Heb.13:12). it's not me, it's not me, it's not me...
Julia's new life reformation #1:
Make the best use of my time here, because the days are evil. (Eph. 5:16)
that's one down. may the grace of God alone enable me to do this for the sake of Christ. oh, experience the happiness of knowing my Lord in His fullness, may that always be my ultimate end.
read Edwards' resolutions. be challenged, be humbled, be convicted, be resolved to do the same.
oh, if i could only have a taste of the loving devotion Edwards had for his LORD, and the fervency in which he sought holiness, i would know more fully the abundant life. Edwards meticulously and constantly examined his life, comparing it to the Word in every aspect. This was not for the purpose of a worldly compulsion to reach perfection, or out of desire for recognition, but solely for the sake of Christ his Lord. In 1922, Edwards began journaling what he coined "The Resolutions." by 1923, the list had grown from one resolution to seventy.
if any of you are like me, you are frightened by the idea of resolutions, probably because you do not trust yourself to keep them. Edwards' resolutions are no less frightening to me for the very same reason. however, they are very different from the cliche american new years resolutions because they are not renewed every year, but every day, hour, minute, second. Edwards reread his resolutions each week to remind him of this. also, he was not intimidated by his resolutions because he did not have faith in himself to fulfill them, for with that mentality he knew he would indefinitely fail, rather, He had faith in the Lord to carry them out in his life. this is what we find beneath his title of "The Resolutions":
"Being sensible that I am unable to do anything without God's help, I do humbly entreat him by his grace to enable me to keep these Resolutions, so far as they are agreeable to his will, for Christ's sake."
it was only by God's grace that Edwards was able to adhere to these Resolutions; and he undoubtedly performed them not out of duty, but pure joy! if I am aware of these things as well, why am i so hesitant to write my own Resolutions? is Edwards just an exception, a sparkling diamond among Christ-followers, in which few live up to? or is Edwards a blatant reminder not only of how we are to live the Christian life, but of what it means to ENJOY Christ in His fullness? the answer to this question, i honestly do not have, but it's definitely something i've been exploring and will continue to explore.
here's what i do know. as a believer i do not need to be making new years resolutions, but new life reformations. if i am being transformed daily into Christ, i should be resolving daily to shed the dead skin of my former nature and be completely clothed in the righteousness that was imputed at conversion. i need to trust that the Lord is already doing this in me, despite my inability to see it sometimes. i need to remind myself each day that it is God alone who began a good work in me and He will bring it to "completion at the day of Jesus Christ" (Phil.1:6); and that Christ is sanctifying me completely through His own blood (Heb.13:12). it's not me, it's not me, it's not me...
Julia's new life reformation #1:
Make the best use of my time here, because the days are evil. (Eph. 5:16)
that's one down. may the grace of God alone enable me to do this for the sake of Christ. oh, experience the happiness of knowing my Lord in His fullness, may that always be my ultimate end.
read Edwards' resolutions. be challenged, be humbled, be convicted, be resolved to do the same.
Monday, December 25, 2006
begotten
Let us reflect on the advent of our eternal king, begotten in the form of a lowly babe, and His holy Sonship made manifest time and again. We have heard it in the voice from heaven,
Luke 3:22 “and the Holy Spirit descended on him in bodily form, like a dove; and a voice came from heaven, ‘You are my beloved Son; with you I am well pleased.’”
and the confession of disciples,
Matt. 16:15-16, “He said to them, who do you say that I am? Simon Peter replied, You are the Christ, the Son of the living God);
and disclosed from the mouths demons
Matt. 8: 28-29 And when he came to the other side, to the country of the Gadarenes, two demon-possessed men met him, coming out of the tombs, so fierce that no one could pass that way. And behold, they cried out, “What have you to do with us, O Son of God? Have you come here to torment us before the time?”
However, it is only in Jesus’ conquering of death that these words of witnesses take physical, undeniable form of His true, eternal, incorruptible Sonship.
Acts 13:29 And when they had carried out all that was written of him, they took him down from the tree and laid him in a tomb. 30 But God raised him from the dead, 31 and for many days he appeared to those who had come up with him from Galilee to Jerusalem, who are now his witnesses to the people. 32 And we bring you the good news that what God promised to the fathers, 33 this he has fulfilled to us their children by raising Jesus, as also it is written in the second Psalm,
“you are my son, today I have begotten you”
Christ is eternally yahid (the Beloved Son, the Only Son of God). This testimony of Paul portrays that it is Jesus’ resurrection that most powerfully and undeniably marks His royal Sonship (Thou art my son, this day I have begotten thee). He is begotten in birth, life and resurrection, gloriously appearing in regal dignity, ascending to the right hand of His Majesty on High, upholding the universe by the word of His power, superior to the angels in the excellence of His name, a name above every name (Heb. 1:3-6; Eph. 1:21). Join me this day in worshipping our Savior, born in the meekness of flesh, the lowliest of birth. Praise Him our King Messiah, in whom the nations are His heritage, and the ends of the earth, His possession. Let us serve our King in fear and rejoice in trembling. “Blessed are all who take refuge in Him” (Ps. 2). Amen.
Luke 3:22 “and the Holy Spirit descended on him in bodily form, like a dove; and a voice came from heaven, ‘You are my beloved Son; with you I am well pleased.’”
and the confession of disciples,
Matt. 16:15-16, “He said to them, who do you say that I am? Simon Peter replied, You are the Christ, the Son of the living God);
and disclosed from the mouths demons
Matt. 8: 28-29 And when he came to the other side, to the country of the Gadarenes, two demon-possessed men met him, coming out of the tombs, so fierce that no one could pass that way. And behold, they cried out, “What have you to do with us, O Son of God? Have you come here to torment us before the time?”
However, it is only in Jesus’ conquering of death that these words of witnesses take physical, undeniable form of His true, eternal, incorruptible Sonship.
Acts 13:29 And when they had carried out all that was written of him, they took him down from the tree and laid him in a tomb. 30 But God raised him from the dead, 31 and for many days he appeared to those who had come up with him from Galilee to Jerusalem, who are now his witnesses to the people. 32 And we bring you the good news that what God promised to the fathers, 33 this he has fulfilled to us their children by raising Jesus, as also it is written in the second Psalm,
“you are my son, today I have begotten you”
Christ is eternally yahid (the Beloved Son, the Only Son of God). This testimony of Paul portrays that it is Jesus’ resurrection that most powerfully and undeniably marks His royal Sonship (Thou art my son, this day I have begotten thee). He is begotten in birth, life and resurrection, gloriously appearing in regal dignity, ascending to the right hand of His Majesty on High, upholding the universe by the word of His power, superior to the angels in the excellence of His name, a name above every name (Heb. 1:3-6; Eph. 1:21). Join me this day in worshipping our Savior, born in the meekness of flesh, the lowliest of birth. Praise Him our King Messiah, in whom the nations are His heritage, and the ends of the earth, His possession. Let us serve our King in fear and rejoice in trembling. “Blessed are all who take refuge in Him” (Ps. 2). Amen.
Saturday, December 23, 2006
no place like home
i'm home.
oh, the sweet goodness of the South. I feel like everything has shifted into slow motion. i'm breathing slower, walking slower, thinking slower. After living for nearly four months in a city that moves like it's got a fire underneath it, it's almost eerie how inert austin seems in comparison; quiet, too. no honking horns, no garbage trucks blocking the roads, and no pedestrians risking their lives to get to their destinations thirty seconds sooner. i remember the driver for the family i work for asking me not long ago what the subway system was like in Austin. he also thought that there was a 5 hour difference in time zones. I think he was under the impression that texas was practically a separate country. it might as well be, i guess.
it's good to be here, but i didn't get here without a price. when I arrived at JFK yesterday and they asked me for my ID, i couldn't find it! i searched frantically through my entire purse and wallet, but it was not to be found. i was sure they wouldn't let me a step further into that airport without a drivers license, especially with all the tightened security right now. but, to my great shock, they did! they thoroughly investigated my carry-ons, patted me down, traced me with a wand and sent me on my way. when i arrived 4 hours later in the austin airport, I was greeted my teary-eyed mom, brother, and best friend, but not my luggage. somehow, even if you are on a non-stop flight, it's still possible for your luggage to get lost in the shuffle and sent off to a completely different city. this all didn't really phase me, though. if I was forced to wear the same clothes for two weeks, I wouldn't care, I'd already reajusted to the torpid drug of the less-poluted texas air. And, I was home.
my luggage arrived this afternoon, so i only had to re-wear my clothes once.
oh, the sweet goodness of the South. I feel like everything has shifted into slow motion. i'm breathing slower, walking slower, thinking slower. After living for nearly four months in a city that moves like it's got a fire underneath it, it's almost eerie how inert austin seems in comparison; quiet, too. no honking horns, no garbage trucks blocking the roads, and no pedestrians risking their lives to get to their destinations thirty seconds sooner. i remember the driver for the family i work for asking me not long ago what the subway system was like in Austin. he also thought that there was a 5 hour difference in time zones. I think he was under the impression that texas was practically a separate country. it might as well be, i guess.
it's good to be here, but i didn't get here without a price. when I arrived at JFK yesterday and they asked me for my ID, i couldn't find it! i searched frantically through my entire purse and wallet, but it was not to be found. i was sure they wouldn't let me a step further into that airport without a drivers license, especially with all the tightened security right now. but, to my great shock, they did! they thoroughly investigated my carry-ons, patted me down, traced me with a wand and sent me on my way. when i arrived 4 hours later in the austin airport, I was greeted my teary-eyed mom, brother, and best friend, but not my luggage. somehow, even if you are on a non-stop flight, it's still possible for your luggage to get lost in the shuffle and sent off to a completely different city. this all didn't really phase me, though. if I was forced to wear the same clothes for two weeks, I wouldn't care, I'd already reajusted to the torpid drug of the less-poluted texas air. And, I was home.
my luggage arrived this afternoon, so i only had to re-wear my clothes once.
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